Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow is the day sweet pea. Same weather, same cold temperatures, but I guess how else is it suppose to be in January!



This has been the most challenging year of my life Myah, some things I have come to terms with while others seem so far away still. The why's and the how's will always be there, I realize this. The acceptance may never come, I know this as well.



One thing that will never change though is how you impacted my life. The joy you brought all of us in your short little life. You have changed me forever, as have the circumstances of your departure, but one thing is for certain you will never be forgotten. Your smile radiates this house like the sun. Daddy, Zoey and I love to look at your pictures and remember you.



The circumstances of your death still haunt me, the guilt is still overwhelming at times. But I know you are beside me holding my hand through those times. I think I feel you then. Maybe it is just my imagination, but either way it is comforting.



Just know that we think about you everyday. Not a day goes past that I do not remember you and each of those days my love for you grows stronger and stronger.



I hope you have a wonderful front row seat to our lives and I hope you will be there the day your little sister is born. I believe she is your gift, as well as mine. The challenges that I will face this next year will be overwhelming I think. I have to find the love inside myself that I once had. Your death has numbed me towards love, I need to work on that.



I often thought that I wished you had never walked on this earth, only because it would be so much easier for me, but one lesson I haved learned is we don't get to choose who we love, we just love them and hope for the best. Without you I would not have learned this, but what a harsh price to pay for a lesson learned. I am greatful for the almost 14 months I had with you, and I would never take that back to save myself pain and heartache. I just hope that you have no pain in your heart and that you are happy and healthy where ever you are.



"If you love something let it go...if it comes back to you it is yours forever; if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with." I won't know the answer to that for a long time Myah, but I think I already know....



I love you so much and please continue to be a part of our lives forever and ever.



Love Mommy