Hey Myah I have been thinking about you ALOT today, and very sad today. I miss u so much, just wish I was dealing with all of this better :)
Mommy loves u always and forever!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
18 MONTHS OLD
Hey baby!! I am sitting here crying thinking about you being 18 months old tomorrow. I miss you so much. Sometimes I sit here and think about the fact that you are actually gone and not coming back. You would think I would have gotten past that by now.
I love thinking about what you would be like. How long your hair would have gotten (probably not much lol), how fast you would be running, if you would be talking much, if the little gap between your front teeth would still be there....and many more of course.....it is hard for mommy to come to terms with the fact that I will never know the answer to those questions....
I find myself having a lot of trouble lately, thinking about what you looked like when I found you. Out of all of this I wish I could erase that from my memory the most....why does that haunt me so much? Why can't I concentrate on the beautiful pictures of you? I feel like I am having post-traumatic stress or something sometimes.
We took Zoey this week to Erin's house, it is a support group for grieving children, she had a really good time. I had to dragg your daddy to go with me, but he made it through :)
I hope you are doing ok, I hope you are playing with Grandpa DeVries, and all your other family member up there. Just incase you didn't know, he loves pickels!!
Miss you baby girl, every second, every minute, every hour of every day....and forever!!
Mommy
I love thinking about what you would be like. How long your hair would have gotten (probably not much lol), how fast you would be running, if you would be talking much, if the little gap between your front teeth would still be there....and many more of course.....it is hard for mommy to come to terms with the fact that I will never know the answer to those questions....
I find myself having a lot of trouble lately, thinking about what you looked like when I found you. Out of all of this I wish I could erase that from my memory the most....why does that haunt me so much? Why can't I concentrate on the beautiful pictures of you? I feel like I am having post-traumatic stress or something sometimes.
We took Zoey this week to Erin's house, it is a support group for grieving children, she had a really good time. I had to dragg your daddy to go with me, but he made it through :)
I hope you are doing ok, I hope you are playing with Grandpa DeVries, and all your other family member up there. Just incase you didn't know, he loves pickels!!
Miss you baby girl, every second, every minute, every hour of every day....and forever!!
Mommy
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Hey there baby cakes!!!
Hi Myah, just wanted to say hello!! I just got back from my Compassionate Friends meeting, it was good, I love going there because it is one time a month that I can sit there for 2 hours and think of nothing but you. I miss you so much, I was talking to you on the way home tonight, hoping you would answer.
Although you probably know this, we are having a little celebration for you this Saturday. We are finally going to put you in your resting place. I love having you here though, I feel like we are still connected because your urn is here. I do know though that it is only your body that I have with me, physically, and your soul is already else where. But I still like having it around. A lot of people feel like I need to do this, like it will give me closure. I am not sure that it will, but I wanted to wait for a nice day to do it, so I guess the nice days are here for the most part.
Just know that a few close family and friends will be there with us, and then we are going to come back here for dinner and maybe cake :)
Just know that I love you so much it hurts, and I wish I could have you back in my arms.
Daddy and Zoey say hi, Zoey really misses you!!! We planted a garden in the back yard for you, and Zoey tells everyone that it is Sissy's garden. She really talks a lot about you now. It is going to be so hard for her to grow up without you. You are our guardian angel, and she will come to understand that.
Daddy doesn't like to talk about these things very much, it makes him really sad. So just help him along in his grief ok? He needs your help.
Mommy
Although you probably know this, we are having a little celebration for you this Saturday. We are finally going to put you in your resting place. I love having you here though, I feel like we are still connected because your urn is here. I do know though that it is only your body that I have with me, physically, and your soul is already else where. But I still like having it around. A lot of people feel like I need to do this, like it will give me closure. I am not sure that it will, but I wanted to wait for a nice day to do it, so I guess the nice days are here for the most part.
Just know that a few close family and friends will be there with us, and then we are going to come back here for dinner and maybe cake :)
Just know that I love you so much it hurts, and I wish I could have you back in my arms.
Daddy and Zoey say hi, Zoey really misses you!!! We planted a garden in the back yard for you, and Zoey tells everyone that it is Sissy's garden. She really talks a lot about you now. It is going to be so hard for her to grow up without you. You are our guardian angel, and she will come to understand that.
Daddy doesn't like to talk about these things very much, it makes him really sad. So just help him along in his grief ok? He needs your help.
Mommy
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