18 MONTHS OLD

Hey baby!! I am sitting here crying thinking about you being 18 months old tomorrow. I miss you so much. Sometimes I sit here and think about the fact that you are actually gone and not coming back. You would think I would have gotten past that by now.

I love thinking about what you would be like. How long your hair would have gotten (probably not much lol), how fast you would be running, if you would be talking much, if the little gap between your front teeth would still be there....and many more of course.....it is hard for mommy to come to terms with the fact that I will never know the answer to those questions....

I find myself having a lot of trouble lately, thinking about what you looked like when I found you. Out of all of this I wish I could erase that from my memory the most....why does that haunt me so much? Why can't I concentrate on the beautiful pictures of you? I feel like I am having post-traumatic stress or something sometimes.

We took Zoey this week to Erin's house, it is a support group for grieving children, she had a really good time. I had to dragg your daddy to go with me, but he made it through :)

I hope you are doing ok, I hope you are playing with Grandpa DeVries, and all your other family member up there. Just incase you didn't know, he loves pickels!!

Miss you baby girl, every second, every minute, every hour of every day....and forever!!

Mommy